These days it’s fashionable to be outraged about rapists not in Bharat, but in India. I’m outraged not only about the crooked fellows who commit gang-gender-terrorism. I know they are beyond redemption. Right now i’m outraged about different kind of rape that happens in India(again not in Bharat) every freaking second. The environmental rapist. The bugger fellow who spit relentlessly. Imagine a bloody red spit on the white wall. Am outraged because these few people are rape-ing the beauty out of every nooks and corner in the city. Boss, how do we solve this rape trait paused by Aam Aadmi. (right now I don’t want to talk about BiG eco-rapists like BP spitting oil in the ocean)

I’ve two simple jugaad solutions, For Type-I rapists a Toy, for Type-II rapist a plastic bag. I know i know, things are complicated in Incredible India. You can’t quick fix anything, even a light bulb.

Arey bhai, what has toy and plastic bag got to do with this, you might say. I hear you on that so let me be specific. The toys are sex toys, you know what i mean. Those Type-I buggers we can’t stop them from getting horny na? Even if after we held demonstration at jantar mantar all day long. Even if the Center comes up with heavy punishment for the criminals, like death penalty, chemical castration and all. The truth is we can’t stop the type-I from being horny only. I’d humbly request The Justice JS Verma committee to look in to the seriousness of the matter and persuade the govt to import enough sex toys then sell them in a subsided price only in all paan stores for public safey. This will decrease the crime rate by 60%, considering 2 rapes happen every one. Ayyoo, no body is being outraged for young men who are being raped, why this gender Kolaveri?

Boss, my main outrage for today is the type-II rapists, I live in a white house, Arey chill bhai, I meant a house that’s painted white. So the other day while walking down the stairs only to see, the corner was painted with red sprinkles. For a second I thought “Is it Saif Ali Khan’s work? Did he come to my apartment to shoot an ad for Asian paint by splashing it on the wall but changed his mind in the middle and left without completing the job. Maybe kareena called or tweeted him for urgent…”

It took me a while to realize the beautiful environment has been raped by some douchbag’s spit. My second jugaad solution is to provide locally manufactured biodegradable plastic bags (aka spit condoms). This should be easily available everywhere at corners whenever the (not a type-ii diabetes) type-II want to spit-rape the wall they’ll simply use the condom instead. You know, the people I’ve utmost respect for are the ones with genuine medical issue forced to vomit during a bus journey on highway. But they carry plastic bag. Puke. And dispose. End of the story. Have you seen professional paan spitter vomiting from Volvo bus while traveling from Hyderabad to Bangalore. These people tho they don’t use the bag, they open the window and release their fountain head. The next time you pass by secretariat you might find me by the road side holding dharna in protest of type-II.


*The Author don’t assume any responsibility for your actions. Don’t Do this at home. If you do, a least do feasibility study of sort before that.


(please read the disclaimer with a ultra-speed like those ads mutual funds are subject for market risks )

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